There is one important rule of dating – you should not start it too soon after a break up. You may ask why? When we part with a partner, regardless of who made the decision and which side feels more disadvantaged, we have to wait a while. Immediately after a break up we are, whether we want it or not, geared on scattering past faults, considering our own behaviour, proving that we were right or investigating where we went wrong. We are interested in the answer to why the relationship did not work for us. Then we talk about it to anyone who will listen. Just imagine, that now you are putting all this on a newly met potential partner, he will run away immediately. Here are some relationship tips and advice.
Boiling emotions and deceitful calmness
Some people end a relationship and, ignoring the feelings that boil over them, very strong emotions that make them completly absorbed by themselves, they enter an another relationship. Others may feel they everything has been dealt with and is behind them, that it did not affect them. This state is very illusory - in fact they are not ready for a new relationship, exactly like the first group. Both groups of people tend to follow a simple path to another failure. Another relationship will be doomed from the beginning.
Why do people so quickly look for a replacement?
The fear of loneliness is immense. And in the case of a break up, loneliness is both painful and salvific. It is painful, because it focuses on what did not go as we expected. It forces us to reflect, to analyse our life, and this is a blessing. The time of loneliness is extremely important - only then you can understand previous mistakes and learn how to create a new, better relationship in the future. Unfortunately, many do not understand, do not accept and do not want to apply to the rule of taking a break.
You must consciously go through "mourning" after the relationship
Psychologists assume that there is no definite time we should wait to sort everything out in our heads and for the emotions to weaken. Much depends on the circumstances surrounding the break up and how painful it was to establish how much time is needed to piece ourselves back together. In general this time is somewhere between a month to a year. We roughly need so much time to get balanced again. During this time you must allow yourself to be sad, bitter, angry, feel guilty and forgive. This conglomeration of emotions takes time to manifest itself, it takes time for the brain to calm down and for bad emotions to leave. We cannot speed anything up here.
Therefore, do not start a new relationship when you still have not "burried" the old one. Otherwise you run a risk of the new relationship being contaminated with the old, unresolved matters. Without distancing ourselves we will not judge well our past mistakes and - which is very likely - we will make them again.
Author: Bien Magazine
Photos: Deposit Photos