Our text was provoked by a recently held conversation. Bien Magazine's friend told us that he had to visit his parents on Christmas, so, unfortunately, did not go with a whole bunch of friends skiing. There would be nothing strange about this if not the fact that our friend talk about a family meeting with deep reluctance. His tone had a bitter feeling.
It would seem that Christmas spent with the long-unseen parents, sisters, brothers and children running around in circles should be for our friend (a very family orientated person who in addition enjoys festivities) the time of true pleasant relaxation. Unfortunately, it turned out that things were not as they seemed.
Telephone from mum
Seeing surprise in our faces our friend opened up and talked about his situation. It turned out that he was almost forced by his own mother to the Christmas visit, who wept on the phone, asking him to have mercy and not condemn her to her husband's company, who have not liked each other for a long time. Our friend felt sorry for his mother. It turned out that his siblings also surrendered to the emotional blackmail. Everyone felt uncomfortable with the idea that their parents would have to eat Christmas dinner together, and then withstand Christmas time in each other’s company. Therefore they agreed to come, but knew that this time was not going to be pleasant. Parents will be rude towards themselves, argue, point out every little mistake and certainly involve their children in their fight and perhaps even grandchildren. They will demand to know who is on whose side.
So instead of super-Christmas in the mountains, spent with friends, our friend survived a week of a mini-horror movie.
Do children have to atone for a bad relationship of their parents?
Many readers will probably be outraged, claiming that it was a small sacrifice - to spend a little time with parents. We, however, are of a different opinion. If parents did not have the courage to part in the past, so they would not hurt each other each other, they have no right to put their bitterness on the shoulders of their adult children. No one can help people like that, because things had gone much too far. They themselves do not want to change anything, claiming that it is too late. Clearly they have forgotten that they have one life, and definitely it is not worth it to live it "side by side" with an enemy.
Children as a shield
The worst thing is that children here must form a kind of a safety buffer. They are protecting two hating parties from each other to preserve the appearance of normal Christmas. The problem is that in this situation no one will feel good, because parents will not stop their cruel fights over Christmas. Our friend with regret noted that his parents during many years of marriage have become true masters of fine and painful sarcasm. They do not feel moderation in slandering each other and ridiculing of their (very human) flaws or errors made. This situation was, for all at the table, extremely uncomfortable.
Our friend had just such Christmas. Maybe he should have refused to attend? But then he would be tormented with remorse, and so he found himself in a situation with no way out.
Author: Bien Magazine