In the relationships it often happens, unfortunately, that the closest person does something that hurts their partner - very much, a bit or just a little. Regardless of the size of the hurtful act, a bitter taste remains and a sense of hurt, which need to be handled. It is best to forgive, because holding a grudge always generates powerful and bad consequences. But, you have to forgive wisely. Forgiveness cannot be based on completly forgetting the harm. It must also contain an element of reparation. Here you will find relationship advice for women and men.
Forgiveness in itself is not easy. You have to grow up to this decision, accept it from the depths of yourself, feel that there is no resentment towards the other person. It must be a very sincere and deep conviction. Only this way one can forgive. If, in turn, someone forgives just with words, they will suffer for years, as well as the person who did wrong.
When to forgive
Certainly you should not make any important decisions - whether it's about forgiveness, or possible breakup or a drastic change, while emotions run high, which normally accompanies the disclosure of someone's lies, treachery and cruelty. If a huge problem comes to light, you need to allow it time to "cool off" in order to, in time, decide what to do next.
What to do if one of the partners was unfaithful? Lived a double life? Severely disappointed or failed? How do you handle this situation? As we said, first of all - give yourself time to cool down. Emotions are in this case the worst advisers.Then it is worth analysing all the pros and cons of the future decision. It may, however, be possible to fix what was broken. Maybe there is a lot of good that connects you and it would be a shame to doom what was once a good relationship. Maybe it is worthwhile to forgive?
Do not blackmail
Many people who give the other person another chance make a huge mistake - provide their forgiveness with reservations close to blackmail. It is pointed out that such situation is to never repeat itself and that we give the person our trust if they do ..., then we will... There are many conditions, their repertoire is quite impressive. And here, oddly enough, the person who presents the ultimatum turns on themselves the proverbial whip. Anyone who receives such information knows that they are backed against the wall. Psychologists speak of a vicious circle. Because forgiveness may, at any time, be revoked. What kind of forgiveness is it then?
As we wrote, you have to grow up to the decision to forgive someone, because forgiveness must be completely sincere. If in the forgiving person remains even the smallest regret, it means that they have not really forgiven. The little piece of regret will pester, because it does not matter what size mistrust we carry in our heart - a grain of sand or a giant rock. Both wreak the same amount of havoc, condemning to second guessing whether the person who failed us, will do it again. And so on - hence a vicious circle.
That's why – you either fully forgive or not forgive at all. Otherwise there is no way to recover the inner balance, which sways, or even dies, if your loved one hurt you.
Author: Bien Magazine