Humans are phenomenally prepared to be critical. You can criticise everything, everyone, there is not a topic in this world which couldn’t be put forward for discussion. There is nothing in the world that couldn’t be improved and fixed – or criticised.
Constructive criticism is a valuable skill. It is not as good when someone criticises because they have insecurities, the world annoys them and disappoints and they impulsively react in the only way they know because they never tried to harness their feelings. People like this think they have the right to criticise even though they can hurt someone’s feelings. Here you can find relationship advice for women and men on constructive criticism.
What if we changed the mind set?
Criticising in a relationship is one of the harder topics. As we know it is hard to accept all the behaviours, reactions, traits and likes of your partner. Something in them will annoy us, something will surprise us and we won’t like something. This is natural. The longer people are together the deeper they can get to know each other, the more reasons for criticism. Here in front of a smart human raises a very important challenge. How to learn to criticise without offending the other side and gain the things that are important for us.
Subtle criticism and a small deceit
How do you explain to your partner that their car patterned tie would suit a teenager? How do you explain to a wife that she does not look attractive in a very tight, dark mini skirt when she avoids the gym like a plague for years? Both examples are hard. They both can end in an argument and one side feeling hurt. There is a solution to both issues and a way to come out on top in your partner’s eyes.
In the first example, the lady can suggest to her husband that because their anniversary is approaching e.g. wedding, she will take him for a small, swift shopping trip to surprise him. In the tie shop she will choose a few interesting patterns and she will strongly accent the fact that they suit him perfectly and bring out his eyes and beauty type. There is a big possibility that the man will like the new ties more and the car design will disappear from the rotation.
It is important that those cruel words never come out: “Oh wow, you look like an idiot in this tie, like an old man in kids clothes”. This would prejudge everything. The husband would wear the tie constantly through spite.
The second example talked about a wife in a tight outfit. Here you cannot say straight that the wife put on weight, because this will hurt her feelings and upset her. This will cause a huge argument. You have to be tactful with her. You can explain that those dresses are not in fashion at the moment or that her friend has the same one and they may be at the party wearing the same dress. No woman will be happy with this. “If your friend wants to be out of fashion it’s her problem. My wife has to look beautiful”.
Small lie in good intention
Probably many will accuse us that we suggest lying to our partners. Is there anything harmful coming out of this lie? Is it better to offend someone, upset them and arrange “quiet days” in a relationship?
To criticise without criticising is a great skill. You need to be diplomatic, imaginative and have good understanding of human nature. Effectively arranged diversion against ties, dresses or millions of other small things can bring surprisingly good effects.
Author: Bien Magazine