Everyone dreams about a perfect relationship, a relationship in which they feel understood, happy and complete. One in which the other person will know well what they like and what they dislike. We have good news. It is possible to create a relationship like that. The bad news is that will not happen on its own, which many people count on. A lot of time has to be given to getting to know each other and establishing what is important for both parties. Below, Bien Magazine explores deeper.
The devil hides in the detail
Please note, when someone is in love and starts their relationship, they talk mainly about the things that are important to them. They both know what the other dreams of, where they want to travel to, study, what they want to do in life, whether they like kids, love travelling or whether they prefer to stay at home. But not many people talk about details, because then they feel unimportant.
Then when people decide to stay in a relationship and move in together those little details can ruin everything.
Be brave to ask, be brave to speak
If you don’t like walnuts tell your other half, because they will not read your mind. They will get you a beautiful birthday cake with walnuts in it, which will make you nauseous on the first sight of it. That’s a reason for argument. The other person will feel hurt that you didn’t appreciate their gesture and you will feel angry that they nastily gave you something that you have, the one cake you don’t eat.
There are people who have to have their mug on the certain side of their plate. This is not weird; they just have better developed manual skills in one of the hands which they use to hold the hot mug. If for the hundredth time you put the mug on the wrong side, the other person may start to suspect you of being spiteful - an argument waiting to happen.
Therefore it is very important to analyse details and speak loudly about your preferences, especially those small ones. Don’t keep asking your partner what he likes and those he does not tolerate. Not everything will come out straight away; you will be getting to know each other for years.
Where is spontaneity?
If you want to create a relationship that lasts for decades, without arguments over small things, you have to in this case give up on spontaneity. There is room for it in other life situations. You can for example take a spontaneous holiday break.
The area of details requires you to be detailed. If your partner sleeps without a pillow, then stop continuously giving it to him, just because you cannot live without one. Or if he walks barefoot, don’t buy him the 15th pair of slippers just because your feet are always cold.
The essence of a good relationship lies in detail. While we are still in an in love stage, we can be under the impression that only the most important things will always concern us and connect us our whole life. Later it turns out that the neglected details can make it hell.
Author: Bien Magazine