Everyone knows perfectly well that a good relationship is based on the ability to talk and discussing matters that are important to us. But, on the other hand, it is equally important to be able to truly engage in listening. How does this work in your relationship? Can you listen well? Do you feel listened to? It is often the case that the ability to listen determines whether people are good partners, spouses, parents and friends. Let's look at this relationship advice for women and men.
Why do we want to be listened to?
The person who listens to us carefully, who reacts at the appropriate moments of our ascension, who seems to feel our emotions, is a person who immediately gains our sympathy. Because we, the people, are constructed in a way that there is no one more important to us than we are ourselves. So we like those who show us that we are important to them or that they need us.
Do couples listen to each other?
Do you remember what it was like at the beginning? When were you in love, when passion was bubbling inside you and when you were drinking every word from your partners mouth? Listening was then an act of true and indomitable pleasure.
But, after a while, the hormones have calmed down, the passion has subsided and there was not much left from a conversation, because they turned into a small exchange of words or "chewed" menacing voices of command. This is, unfortunately, what happens in many marriages. You can work on it, but it requires attention and patience.
Men neglected emotionally
The belief is that only women should talk about emotions, and when listening, they know exactly what others are experiencing because they can feel it. According to the popular belief, a man is not able to do this. However, the matter turns out not to be so simple. Actually, men have less inclination to talk about feelings, because they focus more on solving problems. However, a man left alone, who does not discuss emotions with his partner and does not feel listened to, has a much greater tendency to cheat than a man who feels the emotional support of his wife. The surveyed men argued that the reason for their betrayal was that their wives did not want to hear what was going on with them and in their lives. They assumed they knew everything about their men.
Difficult ability to listen
Listening is difficult, because it requires, above all, the change of focus - moving it from yourself to another person. And it is much less pleasing to stop being at the center of attention and have to concentrate on the emotions of another person. Even the close ones! Besides – while listening, you have to stop bothering about the world, millions of things, you have to slow down and give yourself time to focus, because that is what listening is about.
Listening requires patience, empathy and the desire to deeply understand the other person’s emotions. This is not easy. The good news is that you can learn it. You will read more about this important skill in the second part of the article about true listening.
Author: Bien Magazine