Many parents claim that it is their duty to ensure the child's friends are the "right" kind of people. The question remains who is actually "right" and who does not fall into this category? Can a rich child have poor friends? Does it result in a healthy lifestyle for children? Unfortunately, some parents assume they need to isolate children from their peers if their parents did not meet certain criteria for the adults.
What does "worse" mean?
Classification of children, division into worse and better friends can sometimes be very frightening. We know a mother who did not allow her child to go to a friend's birthday party because the little girl likes to wear pink leggings and earrings, which for the mother of the invited girl seemed unacceptable. What an excuse?!
Naturally, if a parent wants to save their child from a drug-addicted teenagers or alcoholics. But the problem of clothes? We leave it with no comment.
Afterall, the adult knows better
Narcissistic parents who come to the conclusion that they have the right to interfere with their children's relationships, stubbornly claim that they know best who their children fit in with. They express the certainty that it is the best thing they can do for their children. The question is whether the parent knows his or her child so well that they can decide who their child wants to be around? What if someone decided to choose friends for the parents, because they fit them with their hair colour or a background (forgive malice here)?
Because the child performs better at school if it is surrounded by well-educated kids
Another argument that parents (who choose their kids friends) are willing to provide, is that the child should only be friends with children who are well educated. In this way, the kids themselves will have the ambition to have better results at school. Only if this was so easy! There is certainly truth in this if a child feels the desire to be competitive, to be as good or better than their peers. But what heppens when they cannot make friends within the chosen group of better learners? In the end, it is not only about learning, but also about building healthy interpersonal reactions, joy, emotions, friendship and extraordinary experiences associated with them.
Children are offended
When we asked few children whether their parents have the right to decide who they are friends with, the children broke off indignantly. They clearly stated that it was a real scandal that it was an attack on their freedom. And they are right (of course, to some logical boundaries).
Likewise, many parents assume that although they do not particularly like who their kids are friends with, they allow them to experience it. The child must learn life by themselves, pick the people with whom he or she wants to have something in common, and recognise those that should be avoided. Of course, the role of a wise parent is to talk to the child about questionable friends. Nevertheless, the child must learn to be self-reliant, otherwise they will face a terrible adulthood, full of helplessness and need for the supporting opinions of others.
Author: Bien Magazine