how to create happiness bien magazine

How to Create the Reality of your Dreams after Abuse

Too often, I see the deeply rooted beliefs of abuse survivors, and others, influence their lives so severely, they are left powerless to make any significant change.

They are unhappy, disappointed and frustrated with their lives.

Time and time again, their negative belief patterns cause them to play a self-degrading mantra in their heads, destroying their self-confidence, causing them to further spiral back into the pit of despair.

They just can’t seem to catch a break. Or can they?

How beliefs are formed

The formation of self-limiting beliefs is fairly simple: Being treated as you have low value causes you to feel you are not valued. Slowly, you begin to fully believe you don’t deserve to be valued, no longer even valuing yourself.

The same can be said about your sense of self-worth and self-love.

Since you do not believe you deserve better, you do not seek better.

There is hope!

Through some deep reflection and hard work, you can rewrite the script of your self-limiting beliefs, find your strength, and truly become who you are meant to be.

Identify your beliefs

You’ve been living with your deeply rooted beliefs for so long that you don’t even realise they exist. They have become your truth.

To uncover them, begin with self-reflection, detached from the memories and emotion.

Consider any life events or experiences that may have left an impression. You can leave this very broad and generalised. For example, you may have had bullies growing up. Rather than recount all the things those bullies said and did, you can simply categorise the entire experience as ‘bullied’.

Now it’s time to recall how that entire experience made you feel. Ask yourself what you learned from that experience. Chances are, you learned you were not good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, popular enough… you get the picture.

The experience left you with a sense of low self-worth and value, compared to others.

Repeat this step for all your impactful experiences.

Challenge those beliefs

At the end of the day, those beliefs were generated because of the words and actions of others – likely people you do not respect. So, why are you putting so much value onto them?

When you take the time to actually look deep within, you will begin to see how those beliefs became your truth. Other people started the ball rolling with their behaviour, but you continued to push that ball, every chance you got.

You began to see your lack of worth and value in everything because it was what you truly believed. In essence, you saw what you believed.

Are the words and actions of others really your truth? Really take a moment to challenge each of your beliefs and search for the real evidence, not just what you choose to see.

Rewrite the script

Now that you realise your negative beliefs do not deserve to be your truth any longer, you have the power to rewrite the script!

Literally begin by writing out the opposite for each belief. When that is comfortable, deepen your story. For example, you can begin by writing ‘I am worthy’, and gradually increase that statement to include all the reasons why you are worthy.

This now needs to become your new mantra. Every time you catch yourself playing the old degrading mantra on a loop, replace it with your new, self-serving one.

Turning your dreams into reality is not simply about creating a plan and working hard to execute it. If you do not truly believe that you deserve it, you will not allow yourself to create it. By flicking the switch on your beliefs and rewriting the script, you are free to create a life you truly deserve, because you know your value and worth.


Author: Lisa Cybaniak

Photo: Pixels


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