Every one of us who has already found their other half, loved person and not once said something hurtful which affected the relationship for a good few days or even weeks. Unfortunately no one is perfect and we all have good and bad days. Sometimes we let something that we wouldn’t normally say, slip because we were very angry and emotional. Many relationship researchers say that the destruction of a marriage starts with very simple and trivial words that are used too often. What to look out for? Let's follow this relationship advice for women and men.
You never! You always!
Accusing someone of NEVER doing something they should do or saying they ALWAYS do what they do, is extremely annoying and works like a red rag to a bull. And that would be a blood-red rag and a very big one. Those words irritate and lead to fury like no other. They are often a reason for dramatic fights, long “quiet days” and are able to exacerbate the simplest of situations.
Situations that happen NEVER and ALWAYS
It is hard to not understand a man who hears: “You never clean up the plate and a mug after yourself” who is infuriating. He could probably come up with hundreds if not thousands of situations when he very nicely tided up after himself and the fact that he sometimes happens to forget, is just human error. Maybe he was rushing to get to work.
If the wife hears: “You are always late. You stand in front of the mirror for hours and we will not make it to the dinner on time”. And the row is ready, because she is not always late, but only sometimes. In this case what makes it worse is the comment that she gets ready for hours. In fact she spent fifteem minutes in front of the mirror. She doesn’t do it every day but only for special occasions.
Words that require a reaction
The words ALWAYS and NEVER directed to the other person in a form of a criticism and accusation will NEVER go unnoticed and will ALWAYS cause an argument or - in the best case – a heated exchange of words, like: “OK, then prove to me when did I not clean up after myself again” or “OK, if you are so picky, tell me, when did I last spend ages in front of a mirror and that made us late?”
In those cases you have to defend yourselves because statements like this have nothing to do with the truth and daily living. Even a person who notoriously leaves a plate and mug on the table, can at least one, even by a chance take them back into the kitchen and leave them by the sink. Therefore – NEVER – does not correspond to reality.
Change the context
The words ALWAYS and NEVER work really well when you want to pay your partner a compliment, appreciate their efforts. How different does this sound: “You ALWAYS remember to cover me up when I fall asleep. You remember that I dream when I sleep.” “It has NEVER happened to you to forget my birthday or our anniversary. You are so busy and still remember.”
The words ALWAYS and NEVER can sound like the most beautiful words. You just have to control them.
Author: Bien Magazine